Trudging through tragedy……

I had a pastor that used to say “Every one is either just coming out of a crisis, in a crisis, or about to enter into a crisis.”  I used to think to myself that was bold and blanketing statement. First, to think that we all must have some kind of crisis or tragedy in our life is a very grim take on life. What gives someone the authority to say I will must go through crisis? Can I not roll the dice and skip the crisis by way of choice and planning?  Secondly, you superimpose your reaction to perceived crisis on to me. In other words, I must call an event in my life a crisis because of how the world perceives it, ie. a broken arm, a broken car, a lost cat, a lost loved one. I know you rarely find someone willing to say “Boy it was a good thing I broke my arm when luckily the car broke down when I was looking for my dead grandma’s cat. I sure am glad grandma’s cat waited till after she died to run away.”  But even still, is it fair for another to tell me how I must react to something they can’t deal with? Not to mention, my wife and I made a keen observation: It seemed that the more “crisis” (drama) a family had, the higher up the food chain they climbed, in our church. It was like a popularity contest of devastations! And we were happy to be in the “out” crowd!! Even when “tragedy # 1” happened in our life, we maintained that we did not want the pseudo-sympathy, the attention, or the “drama”. That was December 2003……….enjoy the ride.

p.s. I still love that pastor to this day, but he forgot to mention; sometimes those crisis run back-to-back, non-stop.



Sorry, I have not been feeling like writing lately. I will soon be posting some stuff about my trip and the likes. But I think I need a break for a bit. Thank you all for keeping up with me, sorry for the lack of posts.

Test # 2

Oh my…it appears I forgot to finish this entry! Forgive me all, it must have been all the radio active juice in my blood! So anyway this is how my second test went. Pretty much like the first, but it turns out that the first test is a control test and only the Tc 43 was administered and not the adenosine. So the second test they gave me a “pushed” IV of adenosine and made me walk very s…l…o…w…l…y on a tread mill to circulate it through my blood. And let me tell you….IT WAS HORRIBLE!! I felt like I had run 200 miles in like 30 seconds and I was just walking. It made my heart rate shoot up past 120 bpm, I started sweating, every muscle went weak and sore, and I felt like I was having a heart attack! It even gave me a bad taste in my mouth.  And I was only WALKING! The drug apparently simulates physical stress, and people react differently. Some report no change at all and others (like me) report that it “totally sucks!” The really weird thing is less than a minute after they turn of the IV push….its gone. You feel totally normal. It is so weird that something that makes you feel so nasty is gone in 60 seconds! To bad we cant get over the flu that easy.

Anyway, it was then back to the weird x-ray machine to take pictures of my heart and listen to the two nurses go on about the lives of their children and try to catch a few z’s. I finished up there, and ate at the hospital cafe. It was pretty good! They really had an amazing grilled salmon for a hospital.

So..the results. I am told that all the pictures and monitor read-outs were normal, which would indicate I am ok. However, because I had a reaction to the adenosine, they are required to say that the test was “inconclusive.” Therefore I have a regular stress/echo test on the 21st of this month. I will let you all know how that goes. For now though, my cardiologist attributes my “weird chest feelings” to a possible mild case of some weird chest cold that has been going around. It really stinks being so gun shy about my heart these days. But I continue to swim (about a 1200 yd continuous and then a 100 sprint, 25 on the 25’s.) Most of my symptoms have all but disappeared. Thanks for all your prayers!

Broken Heart; Chapter 2

Well I went in to see my cardiologist today. I have been having some “odd” feelings in my chest for the last week. It is different from before and there is no pain involved. But it seemed to concern him enough to schedule a test next week.  The test sounds…interesting. But not looking forward to the radio active part.  Its called a Nuclear Adenosine Stress Test. Doesn’t that just sound peachy? I should have the results by Tuesday next week. I will let you all know how it goes.

After a year of eating Grape Nuts for breakfast EVERY day and only getting my precious beef once a month, you would think I would be done with this. Makes me feel like going out to the Texas Road House and getting a juicy prime rib, a pint of New Castle, sniffing some glue and smoking a cigarette!  (Just kidding of course but that was the worst thing I could think of.)

Anyway if it puts  the brakes on me again, maybe I can spend more time blogging and working on my business plan.

As always pray for my health and God’s guidance in this epic Heart saga of mine.